The ending is in sight for me.
It has been a while since I last wrote.
I have been living the death of my career and it’s been quite the ride.
So many people have wilfully misunderstood what I have been trying to write about here. And it needs clarifying. The entertainment industry is geared towards mediocrity. It is not an industry that celebrates exceptional talent. It is an industry that often cares more about a six pack and a pretty plastic face than it does about talent. It is an industry that is relentlessly geared towards making exceptionally talented people fail, and the mediocre rise to wealth and stardom.
Within all this I have tried to be an actor. All I came to want is to be a working actor and I couldn’t even achieve that. And many factors were responsible for that. My own passivity when dealing with the realities of needing to network and create relationships that might lead to work, has definitely been one of my biggest failings. I could have worked harder at that.
I also am angry at myself for naively believing, for much longer than I should have, that the work you do matters. It doesn’t. Especially if you are an actor. And that is a reality that has galled me, causing a lot of pain. Because on the one hand you are told to develop your talents, take on any work and grow your skills; on the other side is an industry set up to not care about your skills, your growth, your talents, developed over years and years of being a participant in the industry. If you are not the flavour of the moment; if you don’t represent what the industry is looking for at any given moment – no matter the excellent work you do – you will be failed by the industry.
I HAVE NOT FAILED. I have achieved so much and done some incredible work. BUT.
I HAVE BEEN FAILED.
AND I CANNOT BE THE ONLY ONE.
In these blogs I have bemoaned the entertainment industry that should be about reflecting the world in all its shapes and colours; but is so dehumanising in its practises to those who wish to be IN the industry, that all it achieves is a crushing of talent and spirit. A vast and awful wastage of talent and skills.
I always and will forever wonder if there is another way this industry could be set up that would reward people for their talents and would lead to less wastage. I don’t know. But I do think about that everyday. I recognise that so many other industries are not set up this way and I often wonder how many people truly understand the costs of deciding to be in this entertainment industry. I didn’t understand the costs until way into my forties.
I have been trying to warn readers of this blog how they might be failed by those in power in this industry. I still care so much about this industry, what gifts it can bestow on the individual. And it’s not like there aren’t any. There are plenty of gifts. But there are so many lies too. And I have been trying to tell you about the lies as I have experienced them.
Gifts and lies. It’s what this industry is about. Gifts and lies. The gifts keep you dreaming; the lies crush them.
So I am three weeks away from ending a show. I am seven weeks away from starting a whole new journey. I am about to plunge into the unknown, not as an actor, but a new profession. The ending is in sight. I feel relief, sadness, impatience. Letting go is not easy. It hurts. But the hurt in staying in this industry was overwhelming everything else.